"Pens won the Cup?! AWWWW, MANNNNNN!"
So, I love the show How I Met Your Mother; what isn't to love, after all? I find a lot of that show imitates reality, and a recent episode entitled "Blitzgiving" is no exception. If you're not a big HIMYM fan, you can see the basic idea here.
So, how does a character played by the guy who played Hurley on Lost imitate reality? I'll tell you how, fellow Leafs fan: Colby Armstrong.
Yes, that's right. Colby Armstrong is 'The Blitz'. At least hockey's version of it, anyways.
You see, the curse of The Blitz is that he leaves a party early, and, when he does, something awesome happens. And, so, The Blitz regrets leaving early, shown by his trademark quote of "Awwwww, mannnnnnn!"
It'd be funny, if it didn't describe Colby Armstrong's career to a "T".
Armstrong was drafted in the 1st round by the Pittsburgh Penguins in 2001. Although he would not play a single game for the NHL squad until 2005, I don't need to tell you much about the post-2001 Penguins. They sucked. A lot. And when Armstrong joined the club for the 2005-06 season, not a whole lot changed; that year, they finished with 58 points, good for last in the Eastern Conference, and second last in the entire NHL.
In Armstrong's second year, the Pens showed a great amount of improvement, finishing 5th in the Eastern Conference; playoff success, however, was not to be for the young club. Pittsburgh was quickly brushed aside by the Ottawa Senators, losing their first round series 4 games to 1.
This would be Colby Armstrong's first and last playoff series in a Penguins uniform, but not Pittsburgh's. Far from it.
At the 2008 trade deadline, Armstrong was traded alongside Erik Christensen and prospect Angelo Esposito (Ed note: Remember what a big deal he was before the draft? How has he not materialized into anything yet?) to the Atlanta Thrashers for Marian Hossa and Pascal Dupuis. While Armstrong ended his season with a Thrashers team that was far from playoff contention, this would be the year where the Penguins would make it all the way to the Stanley Cup Final. While they lost the Final in six games to Detroit, they would make it again the following season and beat the Red Wings in seven games to win the Stanley Cup. Nonetheless, the point at hand is this: Colby Armstrong left the Pittsburgh Penguins early. And then something awesome happened. Awwwww, man!
Now, one could argue that this was a lucky situation; that Pittsburgh was bound for greatness anyhow. And you'd be right. But, while this is true, so is the fact that Colby Armstrong's timing really still sucks.
You see, as a Leafs fan, I'm glad that he wanted to sign with my team so badly over the summer, even though they paid a lofty price to get him. That said, let us look at the Atlanta team he left behind. Two seasons as a bottom-feeding team nowhere near the playoffs, the Thrashers are now 2nd in their division, 3 points out of the divison lead, and sitting 7th in the Eastern Conference. They're pretty comfortably in a playoff spot, sitting 8 points ahead of that dreaded 9th place (Ed note: That would be the Ottawa Senators. Just felt like mentioning that). They have leadership, defence, goaltending, a solid team game- all concepts foreign to the Thrashers in their eleven seasons of existence. While playoffs aren't guaranteed just yet, their prospects of making the postseason- and actually winning a playoff game this time- are pretty strong.
And where is Colby Armstrong? On the 13th place Toronto Maple Leafs. On a young, rebuilding team that as much chance of making the playoffs as Sean Avery does of winning back Elisha Cuthbert by showing up outside her window playing a boombox over his head. While the team that he just left in the offseason looks to make its second postseason appearance, something it didn't do while he played for them.
Say it with me: awwwwwww, man!
So, there you have it. Colby Armstrong is 'The Blitz'. Even worse, the Toronto Maple Leafs are infected with the curse of 'The Blitz'. This means, if we're to make the playoffs and do anything substantial, the Leafs need to expunge this curse in one form or another. The Blitz must leave before something awesome can happen, after all.
Now, I know what you're thinking: Armstrong is paid a hefty salary, and he brings Intangibles™ to the Leafs squad. And you're correct; plus, far be it from me to crap on a player who just scored two goals en route to a 4-1 win, even if it is over the lowly Devils. Even then, the curse still inflicts this team. And if getting rid of Armstrong is not the answer, what about passing on the curse?
Remember, the title of 'The Blitz' is not a stagnant role; it can and has been passed on. So, as a solution, what about this: Armstrong passes on the curse to another player currently on the Leafs roster. That player, in turn, is traded from the Leafs to another team (Eds note: please be Brett Lebda. Please please please please please.), at which point, awesome things will begin to happen to the Leafs. Guys, it's really that simple.
So, while we may be a young, rebuilding team, the worst thing that has really happened to us is, in signing Colby Armstrong, we have inherited the Curse of 'The Blitz'. And it's up to Armstrong and the Leafs to deal with it accordingly and do everything they can to rid the organization of the curse.
After all, how many season must we keep saying "Awwwww, man!" before something good happens?
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